![]() ![]() “Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Gordon Oldeboye and these are fine gentleman are part of our Independent Fellowship of Noble Gasses.” The impressive figure ever so slightly inclined his head. Sporting a pencil moustache and a light grey suit as sharp as a paper-cut, he stood upright, maintaining his grip on his shoes via a pair of extraordinarily long shoe laces – a halfway house between reins and ski-poles. The eldest one among them stood slightly apart from the rest. “ BOOTSTRAPS!” Bellowed one excitable fellow at the back, old school tie hanging partly chewed from his mouth.Īmongst them he recognized a few fellows from his old alma mater. Carefully he angled himself, and letting off a soft squonk, drifted into their company. ![]() A short way above hovered a circle of suited gentleman, each doubled over like a sprinting cyclist with a firm hand to their laces, buoyed by a soft symphony of whispering gasses. Once he’d been stuck just like one of them – now he was free, free, free! As soared through the air it brought to mind one of his favourite childhood movies: The Snowman and he hummed a few bars from the signature theme as he burst through a cloud bank. ![]() Far beneath him stretched the mismatched collage of the earth. A glorious horizon spread out in every direction, cool, and calm, and blue. There he bobbed, laces in hand, the only sound to be heard the gentle murmuring of his stomach as it mixed his buoyant gasses. He was aloft! He’d successfully pulled himself up by his bootstraps! Just as he thought he must burst, a sour, almost primordial, honk cut through the air and a great warm rush suffused his cheeks. The seams of his suit bulged he knew the tailoring was exquisite, but would it hold out? Even more pressing, could his body withstand the strain!? But he pulled ever harder, eyes glued shut and teeth clenched by the fury of his squeezing. He strained with all his might wrenching his laces with savage force while simultaneously squeezing downward against his sphincter. With deliberate resolve he crouched low, carefully gathered his patent leather shoelaces, and strained. ![]()
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